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Leave a Comment | Posted by Unknown Blogger on February 26, 2010

wine250Thousands of my fans have wanted to know how my path to enlightenment is going. All will be happy to know I’ve continued in my quest to help others achieve enlightenment and benefit from my new found wisdom.

To date I’ve helped dozens of people journey down their spiritual path, including an Albanian, circus family suffering from excessive facial and body hair – a condition known as Albanian werewolf syndrome.

So what have I learned so far?

I’ve found the key ingredients for enlightenment are meditation, tai chi and a higher than normal intake of alcohol.

You wouldn’t think alcohol would be part of your journey to Nirvana but it’s true. I’ve specifically found it helpful if you drink seven glasses of wine just before you take a shower. Then proceed to focus all your energy on cleaning parts or your body that have probably not been touched in years and in a manner that is assuredly illegal in most southern states.

Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

Of course, do not attempt this if you are underage or a recovering alcoholic. In which case I’d recommend substituting the 7 glasses of wine with a banana peal cigarette instead. Because we all know smoking a banana peal is organic and “organic” is good.

Actually, you shouldn’t attempt any of this until you’ve completed my new, home-study course, “30 Days to Enlightenment with a Really Good Buzz.” Available at all Walmarts and liquor stores.

Warning: the aforementioned prescription for enlightenment may cause side effects including liver problems, hangovers, nausea and vomiting. Consult your doctor before proceeding. Other side affects may occur so tell your doctor if you have an erection lasting more than four hours, particularly if you are a woman.

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Comments (2) | Posted by Heather's Thingies on

Jason Castro performed for some of our
MIX FRIENDS w/ BENEFITS yesterday
in the ‘Four Hands Live Music Lounge’…
Grab Jason’s  EP & keep an eye out for a ‘FULL ALBUM’
around Aprilish…
JasonCastro

*1 of the many Reasons, I LOVE MY JOB…
(Guess we were feeling ‘Golden’ at this moment)
JasonCastroMeFeelinYellow

..Jason gives some ‘Newly Wed Advice’ &
find out the ‘1 Thing’ he
can’t ‘LIVE WITHOUT’ on the ROAD..

 

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Comments (1) | Posted by JB & Sandy Recap on

6:00 AM:  Yesterday was the finals for women’s figure skating, and Canadian skater Joannie Rochette earned the bronze medal. She is the skater who has made big news lately with her decision to continue e to compete even thought her mom passed away only days before the first event.  iTunes has sold its 10 billionth song. A 71 year old man in Woodstock, GA bought it, and it was a Johnny Cash song. He got a phone call from Steve Jobs, and won a $10,000 iTunes credit. Local “celeb” Leslie Cochoran has hit the big time, and was featured on Perez Hilton’s celebrity gossip blog this week. Perez wants to get together with Leslie next time he’s in Austin, which is likely to be during SXSW.

6:15 AM:  Yesterday we had former American Idol contestant Jason Castro in the Four Hands Lounge, where he did a private performance for our friends with benefits. Sara got to host the event, and was totally blown away by Jason’s performance and good looks.

6:30 AM: Four things you need to know. The “reckless robber” has hit again, he has had 20 bank hold-ups in the Houston area, but yesterday he robbed a bank in Austin. He does the “takeover” style of robbery, and they are trying desperately to find him. All Shamu shows at Sea World parks are on hold for now. One of the Shamu whales killed its trainer recently at a Sea World in Florida. Facebook is thinking about opening an office in Austin if an incentive is passed, which would create about 200 jobs. The vote will be in March to see if this deal goes through.  Four contestants were kicked off of American Idol last night; two guys, and two girls.

6:45 AM: JB found a list of the top things in a man’s apartment that will freak a woman out. Some of the list includes; dorm-style décor, moldy food, collectable toys and figurines, an overall messy apartment, no sheets on the bed, and no toilet paper in the bathroom.  

7:00 AM: Cecily Knobler reviews the latest movies every week for us from Hollywood.  This week Cop Out; starring Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, and Seann William Scott is out and Cecily rates it a C-. Also, The Crazies is out this week, and she said it’s very gory and a pretty well-made movie. She grades it a C+.

7:15 AM: The week in review is every Friday, and it’s a montage of the best moments from the week as edited together by Alex Franco. This week we saw snow in Austin, talked about Carnivale, making out, the Olympics, Alex’s moles, the kiosk guys, and whose death would be breaking news.

7:25 AM: We talk to a listener named Susan whose 7 year old daughter wants to wear heels. She is torn about it, because she thinks her daughter is too young for them. All of her friends at school are wearing them, and so she is driving her parents crazy asking her everyday to let her wear heels.

7:40 AM: Four things you need to know.  The Hurt Locker is a major contender in the Oscars this year, but they might be disqualified because the producer sent out a letter trying to get people to go see the movie.  Jon Cryer is rumored to have a hit man out after him. His ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend is apparently out to get Jon Cryer, and it is unknown whether she hired him or not. Miley Cyrus and Bret Michaels recorded a song together, and in the song they sing about getting undressed. Sara thinks that is a pretty creepy lyric. There is a rumor that Simon Cowell and Ellen DeGeneres are butting heads during filming of American Idol, and that is why they put them at opposite ends of the judging table.

7:50 AM: Word has now come out that Tiger Woods in now in rehab for drug addiction, not sex addiction as previously stated. Sandy reads us a list of 5 ways you might be able to tell if you have a sex addiction problem.

8:20 AM: The week in review is every Friday, and it’s a montage of the best moments from the week as edited together by Alex Franco. This week we saw snow in Austin, talked about Carnivale, making out, the Olympics, Alex’s moles, the kiosk guys, and whose death would be breaking news.

8:25 AM: Cecily Knobler reviews the latest movies every week for us from Hollywood.  This week Cop Out; starring Bruce Willis, Tracy Morgan, and Seann William Scott is out and Cecily rates it a C-. Also, The Crazies is out this week, and she said it’s very gory and a pretty well-made movie. She grades it a C+.

8:30 AM: Four things you need to know. The “reckless robber” has hit again, he has had 20 bank hold-ups in the Houston area, but yesterday he robbed a bank in Austin. He does the “takeover” style of robbery, and they are trying desperately to find him. All Shamu shows at Sea World parks are on hold for now. One of the Shamu whales killed its trainer recently at a Sea World in Florida. The U.S. is still leading the medal count in the Olympics with 32 medals.  iTunes has sold its 10 billionth song. A 71 year old man in Woodstock, GA bought it, and it was a Johnny Cash song. He got a phone call from Steve Jobs, and won a $10,000 iTunes credit.

8:50 AM:  Sandy’s wife gets mad at him if he gropes her while he is holding their baby. He doesn’t see what is wrong with is, and wanted to see what we think. Sara and Alex agree with Tricia that the baby is so innocent and it isn’t appropriate, but JB and Cassiday think it’s harmless while she’s so young.

9:15 AM:  Gary Fisher is our guest today. He is known for creating mountain biking, and you can go ride bikes with him in Austin this weekend. Tomorrow he will be leading a 30-40 mile bike ride that will leave from Mellow Johnny’s at 10 am. He also will be presenting the UT cycling team with his new line of bikes to ride from now on.

9:30 AM: Four things you need to know. The Hurt Locker is a major contender in the Oscars this year, but they might be disqualified because the producer sent out a letter trying to get people to go see the movie.  Jon Cryer is rumored to have a hit man out after him. His ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend is apparently out to get Jon Cryer, and it is unknown whether she hired him or not. Simon Cowell is now engaged to his girlfriend of a year.

9:45 AM: Alex has a picture with the UTEP Football coach in his Facebook profile picture, and Sandy tells a story about when the coach got in some trouble with a stripper. Also Alex tells us about what’s going on in his life right now since his wife is still in law school and they are considering the pros and cons of trying to have a baby soon.

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Leave a Comment | Posted by JB Hager on

L1010298.JPG

 

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