#1.) Jimmy Kimmel: “I hate to ruin the mood, but it’s my duty as an American talk show host to report that after 72 days of wedded bliss, Kim Kardashian and her NBA player husband Kris Humphries are splitting up. She has decided not to pick his option up for another season.”

#2.) Jay Leno: “To their credit, they did try 20 minutes of counseling. It just didn’t work.”

#3.) David Letterman: “They started bickering at the altar . . . now they’re fighting over custody of the cake.”

#4.) Craig Ferguson: “You know what’s even more surprising? Of all the 7 billion people in the world, no one is surprised that Kim Kardashian is getting divorced.”

#5.) Jimmy Kimmel: “It’s a shame. I thought they’d be together for at least another five to 10 ‘Us Weekly’ covers.”

#6.) Jimmy Kimmel: “Kim has asked that her fans give her a complete lack of privacy during this time.”

#7.) Jimmy Kimmel: “I wonder what happens to that 20-karat engagement ring he gave her. You know, if nobody’s using it, I bet it would look great in my belly button.”

#8.) David Letterman: “They’re planning a lavish divorce at the Laguna Niguel Ritz-Carlton with 3,000 guests.”

#9.) Jimmy Kimmel: “I feel kind of cheated by all this. I cried during every minute of that wedding special, and I want those 11 hours of my life back now.”

#10.) Craig Ferguson: “If two celebrities who hardly know each other get married for a TV show can’t make it, what hope is there for any of us?”

Here are all the Emmy winners you care about . . .

–Best Drama Series: “Mad Men” (AMC)

–Best Comedy Series: “Modern Family” (ABC)

–Best Reality-Competition Program: “The Amazing Race” (CBS)

–Best Actor (Drama Series):  Kyle chandler,  “Friday Night Lights” (DirecTV)

–Best Actress (Drama Series):  julianna margulies,  “The Good Wife” (CBS)

–Best Supporting Actor (Drama Series):  peter dinklage,  “Game of Thrones” (HBO)

–Best Supporting Actress (Drama Series):  margo martindale,  “Justified” (FX)

–Best Actor (Comedy Series):  Jim Parsons,  “The Big Bang Theory” (CBS)

–Best Actress (Comedy Series):  Melissa mccarthy,  “Mike and Molly” (CBS)

–Best Supporting Actor (Comedy Series):  Ty Burrell,  “Modern Family” (ABC)

–Best Supporting Actress  (Comedy Series):  julie bowen,  “Modern Family” (ABC)

–Best Variety, Music Or Comedy Series:  “The Daily Show With Jon Stewart” (Comedy Central)

(–Check out the complete list of winners here.)

Best Designer: DEMIAN & ALEX
Best Retailer: TOUCH OF SASS
Best Salon: BELLA SALON
Best Model: CASSIDY BURKE
Best Mash Up Team: BELLA CORAZON
Best Photographer: CORY RYAN
Best Hair Stylist: MARTHA LYNN KALE
Best Makeup Artist: MANDY HERNANDEZ

INDUSTRY CHOICE AWARDS:

Best Designer: KENDRA SCOTT
Best Retailer: ESTILO
Best Salon: SALON BY MILK + HONEY
Best Model: BRIANNA FLEET
Timothy White Mash Up Team: WILD HORSES
Best Photographer: CHAD HARLAN
Best Hair Stylist: LISA BROOKS
Best Makeup Artist: ROCHELLE RAE

PREVIOUSLY GIVEN AWARDS:

Best Women’s Designer: LINDA ASAF
Best Men’s Designer: DEMIAN & ALEX
Best Jewelry Designer: KENDRA SCOTT
Best Accessories Designer: *ANNEMARIE*
Best Bridal Designer: JESSICA CIARLA
Best Children’s Designer: MY GIGI
Best Intimate Apparel or Swimwear Designer: MEGAN SUMMERVILLE
Best Home Accessories Designer: DEBORAH MAIN
Best Retailer: Women’s Clothing: BY GEORGE
Best Retailer: Men’s Clothing: STAG
Best Retailer: Vintage Clothing: FEATHERS BOUTIQUE
Best Retailer: Accessories & Handbags: CYPRESS VANGUARD
Best Retailer: Jewelry: ELIZA PAGE
Best Retailer: Kids & Baby: WEE
Best Retailer: Furniture & Home Decor: HOWL
Best Spa: MILK + HONEY SPA
Best Hair Stylist: Women’s Cut: NINA GAY
Best Hair Stylist: Men’s Cut: JOHNA SIMON
Best Hair Stylist: Colorist: LISA BROOKS
Best Photographer: Runway: CHAD HARLAN
Best Photographer: Editorial: JULIAN HUMPHRIES
Best Photographer: Product: GREGG CESTARO
Best Photographer: Editing: TANIA QUINTANILLA
Best Wardrobe Stylist (People’s Choice): LISA BARNES
Best Wardrobe Stylist (Industry Choice): BRANDY JOY SMITH
Best Wardrobe Stylist: Stage or Film: LISA BARNES
Best Wardrobe Stylist: Runway: SANDRA ANTOUN
Best Female Model: Editorial: CASSIDY BURKE
Best Female Model: Runway: BRIANNA FLEET
Best Male Model: Editorial: CHRISTIAN RAMIREZ
Best Male Model: Runway: KEN ECHOLS

–The winner was a 14-year-old Chinese crested and Chihuahua mix named Yoda. He weighs two pounds, has a giant tongue, patchy hair, and bald legs. Yoda’s owner found him abandoned a decade ago . . . and thought he was a rat.

–For being named World’s Ugliest Dog, Yoda wins $1,000.