Jr. was on “The View” to supposedly tell his side of the story regarding equally brilliant comments he previously made by comparing President Obama to Adolf Hitler. While on “The View” Jr. denied comparing Obama to Hitler and instead said it was an “analogy.” In fact, and while on the show, he literally looked up the word analogy to further support his position and supposedly to clear up any misunderstanding that he cannot articulate the little Jr. thoughts that are bouncing around in his fat little head.

Hey Jr., here’s another quote. “Stupid is as stupid does.”

So impressed and fascinated by his brilliance, Barbara Walters asked Jr. “What is two plus two?” See Jr.’s answer in the photo to the left.

If the world comes to an end tomorrow, that’s fine with me. I was booked to perform at a Bar Mitzvah tomorrow that I wasn’t looking forward to because let’s face, Jewish children coming of age, high on cake and punch and forced to memorize Torah, are not very friendly towards a guy wearing a bag on his head, telling fart jokes.

So, happy end of the world to my family, friends and millions of Unknown Blogger fans.

Nicki was extremely entertaining and even a good sport regarding her barely enormous butt in the SNL skit “Bride of Blackenstein.”  You got to check it out and by “it” I mean her butt.  Her butt was so big that many times during her SNL performances you could hear the cameraman say, “Damn it man! Not even my wide angle lens can get all that in one shot!”

Nicki’s butt is so big that parts of it will still be showing up in next week’s SNL show. Her butt is so big… OK. I’ll stop there as I wouldn’t want to make Nicki the butt of my jokes.

The End

Not that the Grammys have any credibility in picking out talented artist in the music business, but nominating Justin Bieber for anything other than poster child for Gerber is like nominating Lindsay Lohan for the Mother Teresa of the Year award. And no I’m not disqualifying Bieber simply because he hasn’t hit puberty yet. He could be old enough to grow peach fuzz and I’d still think he’d suck.

The New Artist award instead went to 26-year-old jazz musician Esperanza Spalding. I have it from one of my many unreliable sources who was at the Grammys that upon hearing the news he didn’t win, baby Justin threw himself on the floor and started kicking and screaming, “Esperanza is a pooh-pooh head!!!”

If Baby Bieber’s tantrum wasn’t enough, in protest his thousands of prepubescent fans broke curfew and took to Esperanza’s Wikipedia page where they wrote in numerous potty humor jokes and scribbled all over it in Crayons.

But Bieber is a smart little boy and sees how the game is played. After his tantrum, his manager gave him a lollipop and a banana and Bieber dried his tears and vowed to win a Grammy next year by arriving to the ceremonies in a giant egg. I can’t wait.

Lindsay Lohan pled not guilty to felony grand theft on Wednesday and was released on $40,000 bail.

My unreliable sources close to the investigation say that the necklace was made of gold and corn on the cob (see exclusive photo on the left). When asked why she would allegedly steal such an expensive and otherwise ridiculous necklace, Lohan replied, ”I thought it was beautiful and I loves to eat me some stolen corn on the cob.”

In an even odder turn of events and speaking through her publicist, Lindsay Lohan now wants to be referred to as L.L. Cool Corn Cob.

Stay tuned as more fascinating facts are revealed in this deliciously interesting corn cob caper.

According to Nielsen BDS, “Hold It Against Me” already ranks as the No. 16 most-played track at pop radio stations across the country, prompting many borderline feebleminded critics and fans alike to proclaim Britney is back! But as a concerned fan I can’t help but wonder if the success of “Hold It Against Me” comes at a price and why success for the bulging balding Britney affects her in such bizarre ways?

I have the scoop from an extremely unreliable source who was recently driven away from the Spears compound for refusing to procure a ninth batch of cheeseburgers, hot dogs and clipping shears for Britney, during one of her twelve-hour crazy liquor cheeseburger hot dog and shaving parties. My informant, who does not want to be identified and wishes to go by the alias of “Deep Throat,” feared for his life when Ms. Spears threatened him by saying and I quote, “Feed me or I’ll eat your liver with some fava beans and a nice Red Bull.” Deep Throat and his liver seized an opportunity to flee from the clutches of bulging Britney Scissorhands by hiding in a delivery truck owned by the 24-hour food delivery service Flying Pig, during a midnight drop-off at the Spears residence. See the escape vehicle here.

It’s too early to tell if “Hold it Against Me” and Britney for that matter can hold up to the early hype. But one thing is for sure, fava beans should never be eaten with a can of Red Bull.

Okay. I know “The Bachelor” and “The Biggest Loser” are two totally different shows but anyone so desperate for love that they’d appear not once but twice on “The Bachelor” is either the biggest loser in the world of dating or just really, really horny.

You may recall during the “Bachelor” 2007 finale when Brad shocked everyone except his mother by not picking skank Jenni Croft or skank DeAnna Pappas. It would take Brad years of therapy to discover the reason behind his indecision in 2007 stemmed from his issues with commitment. Duh. But now Brad swears on his stack of condoms that he is all better and ready to choose one lucky skank from the fresh batch of this year’s bachelorette skank pool.

Which skank will Brad choose this time? Or will Brad once again decide to go skankless?  Guess we’ll all have to find out by watching “The Bachelor,” Mondays on ABC.

Want to vote for your favorite skanky bachelorette? If so, click here.

10. Oh my god! If this line moves any slower, we’ll be celebrating Christmas right here.
9. Will you hold my place in line? I have to go to the bathroom.
8. I hate Christmas and all the commercialism. I hate that slow-ass cashier and I hate you. Bah Humbug.
7. I think the Christmas song, “Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer” is so depressing. Don’t you?
6. Will you hold my place in line? I think I’ll grab another pair of crotchless panties for my girlfriend.
5. My wife asked me what I really wanted for Christmas and I said, “to sleep with Katy Perry.” Now we’re getting a divorce.
4. That guy has a hundred items and we’re in the express lane. I say we choke him. C’mon people! Who’s with me?
3. Can I go ahead of you? I’m one of Santa’s elves.
2. It’s a Snuggie. Who doesn’t want one of these for Christmas?

And the number one thing said by Christmas shoppers while losing their mind waiting in the cashier’s line… Jiggity jig, heehaw heehaw, it’s Dominick the Donkey. Jiggity jig, heehaw heehaw, the Italian Christmas Donkey. La la la…

I was so excited that I must have passed out at least two or three times.

If you missed it, you might be able to check it out online at the CBS website.

I think I look pretty good in ladies lingerie but I can’t hold a G-string to these girls.